I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
