yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
