i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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