508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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