Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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