so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
false alarm. still invincible.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
