12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
