so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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