i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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