why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
