this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
