Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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