just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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