I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
