giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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