Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
