ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
