Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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