I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
