Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
