Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
