I can feel you judging me through the phone.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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