Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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