just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
