So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
