"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
