he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
