I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
