There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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