giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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