how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
