I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
