i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm passing your future prison.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
