If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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