I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
