you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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