the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
