I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
