This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
