i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
