Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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