i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
