I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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