I want to stick my p in your. b.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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