Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
