it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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