I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
