Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
