onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
not ubering you a puppy
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
