So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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