Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
