Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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