Apparently you make a good broom.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
