Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he high fived his dick after we had sex
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
